Telemarketing Fun

Written by “Joe”, March 2002

I live with possibly the coolest roomate in the world:

This morning we received a call from a telemarketer. I didn’t hear anything the telemarketer said, only Dan, (my roomate’s side).

Reënactment is shown below:

(phone rings)

Dan: Hello? Hello? No she’s not here right now. No, she’s not gonna be here for awhile. Look is this… is this one of those telemarketing things? No I’ve never heard of your company but at least it isn’t Sprint or AT&T again. No, I… sure tell me your whole thing, you sound like you really want to.

(a minute or so passes)

Dan continues: Um. Hey what’s your number? No not your supervisor’s number. Your number! Why? I want to call you at home. Yeah, you can tell your supervisor I never want to be contacted by your company again. No I told you that I want your number. C’mon don’t turn all machine on me man. Give me your number!

Wait, no don’t go into machine mode man. Don’t become part of the borg collective! Give me your number!

C’mon I’ll call you and sell you some of my art. It’s great art man. People come from all over the world to see my art. Give me your number, it’s really great art!

I’ll cut you a deal!

I’ll… I’ll post your number on the net. C’mon! You’ll be the most popular guy on earth. Everyone in the world will want to call you!

Joe! Joe! Get me a pen!

O.k. what’s your number. No don’t go into machine mode again. Don’t kiss the Man’s ass again. Don’t… Look this is the first of your twelve steps to recovery! Tell me your phone number. O.k. it’s 1. C’mon what’s the rest of it? O.k. 888… 5

Joe: He’s bullshitting you.

Dan: C’mon give me your real number. O.k. 1 - 888 - 573. No. You’re doing it again. You’re being a machine. Don’t you want to make a difference. Get in touch with your power animal!

You are the hawk.

You are the hawk! No don’t give me your supervisor. You’re about to embark on a great journey. C’mon be human with me.

O.k. For real this time it’s 1 - 888…

Then the telemarketer hung up.

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