The Laundry Solution, a 21ST Century technology, promises to
free us from environmentally-damaging and harsh laundry detergents.
Laundry Balls are non-polluting, non-toxic, hypo-allergenic, color-safe,
convenient, economical, do not promote static cling and will not damage
fabrics. Independent investigation reveals that they are so benign as to
be virtually inert. But it’s hard to dismiss the reports of strong
customer satisfaction.
Buy one and you can use it for 1,500, 3,000, maybe even 4,000 or more
loads of laundry. Skip the rinse cycle, never pay another dime for
detergent, save the planet and keep harsh chemicals out of your clothes.
The pitch for these laundry balls gets more baroque over time, but
basically the theory is that by using magnets, the balls rip apart
clusters of water molecules that form naturally by magnetic attraction.
When these clusters are ripped apart, creating “activated” or
“structured” water, it makes it easier for individual water
molecules to get at the junk you’re trying to remove from your
dirties. All without expensive, damaging, and unhealthy chemical
detergents.
Aren’t magnets simply amazing!
Is there anything
they can’t do?
The
best assessment
of the laundry magnets I’ve seen comes from Bruce Toback:
It has nothing to do with quantum mechanics, or activated water, or
anything else of that sort. The science behind these devices is
psychology: they make you feel comfortable using less detergent, or none
at all…. it’s the instructions, not the devices, that
“work.”
. . .
[T]hey do absolutely nothing except make you feel comfortable with not
using detergent. If you can convince yourself to use less detergent
without a little plastic ball, you get all the benefits and you
don’t have to pay for the ball.
Now to me this seems like a delightful way to keep overconsumptive
Americans from
polluting
the water supply while at the same time helping to ease the burden that
excess cash has on the overly gullible.
Those members of society pledged to protect us from ourselves are much
more hostile to the devices.
The Oregon state attorney general, for instance, won $190,000 from two
companies selling such products, in a settlement
in which the companies agreed to stop selling their wares in
Oregon,
but were not required to admit to any criminal fraud.
[T]he department of Justice obtained the various products and had them
tested by a qualified, independent laboratory. Results of the tests
indicated that the water in the spheres had no special characteristics.
The “globe products” essentially contain nothing more than
water, blue dye and a foaming additive contained within an impermeable
plastic shell.
Utah’s Division of Consumer Protection also dragged $10,000 away
from one company whose
miracle balls
were clearly too good to be true.
Bruce Toback checked the claims for “The Laundry Solution”
and found that “[t]he claims make perfect sense, and are in
complete accord with the current state of scientific knowledge…
There is not a single false claim in their marketing material. In fact,
it’s a model of probity compared to the verbiage printed on a box
of laundry detergent:
- Everything at room
temperature emits far-infrared electromagnetic
radiation. So does their product.
- The water is
specially treated, since water doesn’t
occur naturally in plastic globes.
- Water plus mechanical
action will clean quite well. Since the globe
is small, it won’t interfere with the mechanical action of the
washer or displace much water.
- The company recommends a procedure to clean out the washer before
the first use of their product. The procedure will remove soap
scum and mineral buildup… This could account for
any repeatable observations of
“brightness” the first time the
product is used.
- The company notes that once in a while, for greasy clothes, you
may need Borax or, for extreme cases, a tablespoon of laundry
detergent.”
The power of multilevel marketing has led to an amazing proliferation of
“structured water” products whose profit margins must be
absolutely breathtaking. Onesource Worldwide Network, for instance,
puts forth the bold claim (and probably a different claim than it makes
to the IRS), that in
“nine short months” it has “paid out an unprecedented
$6.7 million in commissions” on “more than $84 million in
product.” The sidebar to the right lists only a select sample of
cyberhucksters; hit the search engines for more.
It’s hard to say how many of the folks selling detergent
placebos
know about their
bogus
nature. Some are probably just as
taken in
as their customers. Others, like The
AwareHouse (which calls their product The Emperor’s New
Detergent) or Judy & Company (which sells a product they’ve
dubbed “Snake Oils” which “have specially treated
waters called Structured Waters”) probably sleep well at night
despite vending bunk.
Even Florida’s Secretary of State and Al Gore nemesis Katherine
Harris got in on the act, ordering “a study in which, according to
an article by Jim Stratton in the Orlando Sentinel,
‘Researchers worked with a rabbi and a cardiologist to test
"Celestial
Drops," promoted as a [citrus] canker inhibitor because of its
"improved fractal design," "infinite levels of order," and "high energy
and low entropy." The study determined that the product tested was,
basically, water that had apparently been blessed according to the
principles of Kabbalic mysticism, ‘chang[ing] its molecular
structure and imbu[ing] it with supernatural healing powers.’”
I’m thinking of marketing a somewhat similar product: Dihydrogen
monoxide. For all
that’s been written about its alleged dangers,
DHMO is actually a quite benign solvent and a normal
component of the atmosphere — you can actually drink small quantities of
the stuff without harm.
My special DHMO mixture, when added in sufficient
amounts to the gas tank of your vehicle, will almost completely prevent
the harmful environmental degradation caused by the oxidation of fossil
fuels in the engine. As we all know, the products of fuel oxidation are
responsible for much of the pollution of our precious air and water
supply.
Furthermore, DHMO will substantially reduce your risk
of injury or death in vehicular collisions, and will result in fuel
savings as well.
In California, if you pledge to use DHMO exclusively
throughout the year, you may be eligible for a special certificate from
the Department of Motor Vehicles allowing you to a special bargain rate
on automobile registration and a complete exemption from emissions
control verification (the “smog check”).
When I first thought of this idea, I was sure I’d make a million, but I
may be too late. The
magnet
people beat me to the punch with a very familiar sales pitch:
When gasoline remains in your tank for a while, the fuel molecules start
to cluster. The molecules on the inside of these clusters can’t be
exposed to the oxygen necessary for combustion. The result: Incomplete
fuel burn with the unburned molecules emitted as pollution or remaining
inside your engine as damaging carbon/varnish deposits.
However:
When fuel burns, carbons are combined with oxygen and converted into
their components, releasing energy. Passing fuel through a magnetic
energy field which is both properly configured and focused causes the
fuel to accept an induced charge. Furthermore, this application of highly
focused physics will attract more oxygen molecules to the fuel resulting
in more of the available fuel being completely utilized.
Unlike the laundry balls, though, which at least save you money on
more-or-less worthless detergents; the
fuel magnets (and magnetic air filters)
appear
to have no benefits to those who aren’t selling them.
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Laundry Balls On-Line
Among the best pseudoscientific gobbledygook comes from this explanation
of the Grander Process,
in which “[t]he water to be treated is channeled
(without coming into direct contact) along a concentrated fluid that has
been treated with specific naturally occurring high frequency fields.
This fluid serves as an organization template for the water structuring.
Thus, the oscillatory composition of the water is harmonized and the
water becomes more and more of a mediator for natural oscillation
energy…”
Say what you will about this sort of advertising, it’s
legal.
A Euro-Wash Laundry Ball Detergent Replacement (U.S. $49.95) information
page once noted that it will “last you an unlimited number of
washes. Depending on the amount of washes you do weekly, that should
be over ten years for the average family.”
The
Natural Wash Plus
system (U.S. $39.95) is even anti-bacterial!
How does it work?
“Makers of the Eurowash Laundry Ball mount 4 powerful, permanent magnets
in a durable plastic bracket which is then covered with a tough,
vulcanized blue rubber. Two tunnels through the middle of the ball allow
water to flow directly through the focused magnetic fields. The result is
a virtually indestructable water restructuring device.”
As seen on TV,
AsiaNation Direct Laundry Balls
also can
be used to wash cars, dishes, floors & work surfaces, vegetables and
flowers, people and food. Things you wash with Laundry Balls stay
cleaner longer, because they don’t attract dust; vegetables washed with
Laundry Balls stay fresh longer; and pre-treating your water with
Laundry Balls improves the growth of your houseplants. Bathing with
Laundry Balls relieves “tension, stress, rheumatic pain, stiffness and poor
circulation” and “can lead to the remission of athlete’s foot, fungal
infections and split skin.” Put one in the back of the fridge to absorb
odors and help preserve the food.
The Skeptical Inquirer did a story: Magnetic Water and Fuel Treatment: Myth, Magic, or Mainstream Science?
Rest assured, the packaging that comes with
The Laundry Solution
(U.S. $85) is made of recyclable plastic. “The product works by
properties of physics. Hence there are no residues left on your
clothing.”
And (it’s about time), the laundry disc now comes in
stereo!
“Although it sounds too good to be true, The Original
Laundry Clean Ring
[U.S. $79.95] achieves its
amazing results through advances in physics.”
After all, the Wonder Laundry Ball
(U.S. $39.95)
“is more than just a product, it is an economically
empowering network. Details available with purchase.”
Why stop at the washing machine? Attach the Magnetic Conditioning
System (U.S. $70) to your pipes
and get the benefits of structured water throughout the house.
“How does the laundry solution
[U.S. $75] work? It is structured
water that emits far-infrared electro magnetic waves through the walls of
the container into your laundry water. This causes the water molecule
cluster to disassociate….”
Dr. Shui-Yin Lo is quoted in the
IETM Crystal Overview:
“These electric fields extend only a few billionths of a meter but are
stronger than forces currently generated by man-made machines. We use
such changes not only to grow
IE
Crystals, but tailor them to fit different chemical reactions.”
(What does any of this have to do with
Scientology?
Anything?)
Dr. Shui-Yin Lo was more recently spotted in Wired magazine
using his theories of structured water to
explain homeopathy.
The Ultra-7 LaundryMaster System (U.S.
$94.90) uses the “science of liquid
magnets” — “stable, colloidal
suspension of subdomain magnetic particles in a liquid
carrier… coated with a stabilizing
dispersing agent, which prevents particle agglomeration.”
(Whoops! Last time I checked, the link redirected me to another page
advertising “Magnetic Success” — a
“revolutionary new and effortless way to lose weight and
inches using the miraculous method of magnetic balancing”
using a “tiny magnet placed on the wrist”
that “can melt away pounds and inches in a matter of
days.”)
The Laundry Solutions
SuperGlobe “contains concentrated
iETM Crystals” and “proprietary
activation
beads.” The SuperGlobe “is designed and intended to be used in
conjunction with the SuperGlobe Booster” which is “a highly
concentrated liquid with its own built in fabric softener.”
At AquaSchemes
you can learn all about magnetic water, “catalytic” water,
“clustered” water, and “other water-related crackpot
schemes and devices.”
Learn about how the latest
21st Century Technology (U.S. $79.95) cleans clothes “much like a
magnet can hold a piece of plastic to a refrigerator.”
Dishwasher Balls (alas, their site is down), are certainly well-described:
“Composed of high molecular active substance, it does not consist of any
harmful chemical elements. Anti-oversensitive it is skin-protective to
hands. Stop using harmful detergent, CodeWash Dishwasher Ball helps to
avoid one’s getting different kinds of common diseases such as urinary
gall bladder, lowering blood count index or female blood disease
increase, especially the deadly cancerous disease.”
Smart Laundry’s
product (U.S. $50) “works on principle of Magnetichydrodynamics and No
Allergic for human skin during washes (even by hands of fine washables in
the sink without soap suds) or sleeping on the bed linens.” Note that
“for our live drinking water, we MUST USE — even by law — Euro-Wash
Laundry Balls instead harmfull any detergents.”
Consider ordering the patented
Wellness
WaterTM Cup, because magnetized water should
be “a vital part of our preventive health maintenance
system” and the WWC “is the ONLY patented
cup in which NORTH Polarity Faces Water!” (In case you
didn’t know, “North pole magnetized water infuses energy
back into the body, reduces acidity of the gastrointestinal tract,
controls bacteria and stimulates brain activity.”)
A once-online manifesto on magnetohydrodynamics noted that “main-stream,
paradigm thinking
physicists, chemists, and engineers” are skeptical of the benefits of
magnetized stuff, and gives us this gem: “Interestingly, while similar
poles repel and opposite poles attract, the South or ‘positive’ pole is
approximately 7% stronger than the North, or ‘negative’ pole. Is this
possibly why the EARTH tilts on its axis; the stronger pole — south /
positive — is reaching for the weaker pole — north / negative?”
Safe Wash
not only sells laundry
disks, but includes a link to the laundry-disk-skeptical
World Wide Scam Network
and is a member of something called the
Association of Ethical Internet
Professionals.
The Green Bar
takes a different tack — instead of structuring water, it uses
“neodymium bio transmitters” which
“removes the propensities of calcium and magnesium to
cling to foreign objects” although a
“chemical analysis of the water would detect no
difference.”
“Nature imparts on water a unique structure that closely interacts
with the Earth’s natural
paramagnetic force,”
according to
Nature’sAlternatives.com.
“It is this force that gives rivers its oscillating snake-like
appearance. It is this
structure
that gives water ‘life’. Living water
is that which has been structured by nature and carries the life-giving
force the body needs. It is this water that heals the body.” It
is this water that’s gonna cost you $499.95 (U.S.)
Let’s give
Structured Waters Technology
a chance to explain: “A type of positive — negative charge causes
the water molecules to form clusters. The clusters generate a
point-to-point charge variation within the water that makes it highly
sensitive to electromagnetic fields. This unique electronic organization
of water molecules creates the electrovibrational resonance that we call
Structured Water Technology.” ($99 U.S. for one, or only $379.97 for
a six-pack.)
“Warning! Your Laundry May Be Making YOU SICK!” according to
this page.
Asthma, allergies, cancer, dizziness, headaches, skin rashes, resperatory
infections, acne, lack of energy and insomnia are listed as potential
hazards of non-magnetic detergents.
Don’t miss the study of
Magnetized Water Therapy of Early-Stage HIV.
“There is reason to believe that the true mechanism of
action of homeopathy is identical to that of MW: they are both energized
water therapy that activates the chemiluminescence of the red blood
cells.”
“A gentleman friend
of mine places one of his discs in his fish aquarium (with
fish)… swears he almost never has to clean and change
their water. At least not as often as he used to. Fish are
thriving… After shampooing my hair, I spray my hair with
structured water, it DE-TANGLES, leaves my hair less
frizzy… While I am running my bath water, I put the disc
in the tub. I Leave it in while bathing. I Can’t believe how soft I feel
after. For you ladeeeees, I spray it on my legs, no Shaving cream needed,
or soap lather, The razor just glides. After washing my face, I sprits my
face with the structured water, My face feels so smooth, although I still
use a moisturizer.”
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