The Soy Bomb Manifesto

From Soy Bomb Nation

Attention people of Amerikkka!
Burn the Cheese!

We are the Soy Bomb Nation, a global grassroots movement dedicated to reclaiming the media from the corporate cheesemongers, and disrupting their mindless cheese products with explosions of artistic expression and individuality, which we call Soy Bombs.

WHAT IS CHEESE? - No, we're not on a crusade against dairy products. I think you all know what Cheese we're talking about. The real Cheese is the bland, flavorless material being passed off as Art by the Corporate Media Machine. All of us sit at home grumbling about how this show “sucks,” and that song “sucks.” But the Soy Bomb Nation is not content to sit there and watch it suck. We believe it's time to FIGHT BACK! To BURN THE CHEESE!

WHAT IS A SOY BOMB - A Soy Bomb is a spontaneous act of individuality that disrupts the flow of Corporate Cheese. Soy in Spanish means “I Am,” and a “Soy Bomb” is an Explosion of SELF amidst a sea of cheese. Right now the mass media is a tool used to manipulate and pacify the public. But that night at the Grammys our comrade Michael Portnoy proved WE THE PEOPLE can reclaim the media, and make a mockery of the Cheesemonger Conspiracy.

HOW CAN WE HELP THE CAUSE? - First you all must learn to think critically and develop cheese-blocking mechanisms, because if they succeed in filling our brains with cheese we will find ourselves unable to digest anything but cheese, unable to open our minds to authentic artistry. Here at the S.B.N. website we will provide satirical and subversive media analysis, regular doses of twisted humor to help keep you immune to the cheese.

Secondly, we must be ever vigilant, ready to drop a Soy Bomb when the opportunity arises. Whenever you see chance to get on camera or onto a microphone, you must SEIZE THE MOMENT and drop a big wet one on the Cheesemongers. Don't just stand there passively watching them throw cheese at you! Force them to look at you, to listen to you for a change! Tell them to BURN THE CHEESE!!! And then let us know what you did so we can tell the world! Anyone can be a Soy Bomb Soldier, all it takes is creativity and the courage to seize the moment. The media BELONGS TO US, and it's time to take it back.

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On This Day in SniggleryJune 25, 2001: Michael Kinsley, editor of Slate, finally admits that the magazine’s report on the bizarre sport of monkey fishing was “willful inaccuracy.” (See News Trolls for more info)