The Usenet Clam

Subject: Re: The "CLAM" Explained
From: (Chris Peek)
Date: 1996/08/20
Message-ID: <4vddop$>
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.urban

It's a pity it's a hoax.  The image of a young college student going
to his or her significant other and informing them they have the "THE
CLAM"  makes for amusing speculation..

Biff: Muffy we've got to talk?

Muffy: Yes sweetheart?

BIff: I've been to the doctor at the free clinic and I'm afraid I've
got some bad news.

Muffy: The free clinic? I thought you were well off Biff?

Biff: We'll talk about that later Muffin...the doctor said I've got

Muffy: Clams? Biff you know I don't have a good white wine for seafood
around here.

Biff: No,no Muffy  not "clams" ,  "THE" _CLAM_.

Muffy: What the hell is "THE" CLAM Biff?

Biff: I'm not sure MUFFY but the Doc says it's pretty bad and he
thinks I might have to have my dingle removed.

Muffy: Your dingle! But Biff what about our future what about having

Biff: The doc says that's no problem. They'll just take a sperm sample
while it's still here and we can do artifical insemination.

Buffy: No dingle.... and a test tube baby! I'm not sure this
relationship is going to work out Biff! I'll see you around.

Biff (weeping): But Muffy... wait!!...........DAMN CLAM!! (Ian A. York) wrote:

>In article ,
>Kirk Kerekes  wrote:
>> - Molluscum contagiousum (or molluscum for short) is one of the common
>> - STD's that it seems hardly anyone hears of until they catch it.

>Note that this, like the Chlamydia other people have pointed to, has
>absolutely nothing to do with the symptoms of "The Clam" hoax as
>described on, umm, whatever that URL was.

>T:  There are a whole bunch of sexually transmitted diseases.
>T:  You probably haven't heard of a lot of them.
>T:  Some of them have names that are vaguely suggestive of "The Clam".
>T:  None of them have symptoms as described for "The Clam".
>F:  "The Clam" is a real disease.

>If anyone is interested, Bernie Moss has just finished sequencing the
>entire genome of molluscum contagiosum (except for the covalently closed
>terminal repeats, of course) - it was just reported in Science, and the
>sequence is available in genebank.  Bernie commented on a number of
>interesting points about MC, most interesting of which was the observation
>that it encodes a homologue of the class I major histocompatibility
>complex (though, interestingly, with the peptide-binding site altered) -
>which makes it intriguingly reminiscent of the unrelated virus human
>cytomegalovirus, doesn't it?

>Anyone who posts more on this may be interested to hear my detailed
>analysis of the significance of the C-C chemokine receptor also encoded by


>      Ian York   (  
>      "-but as he was a York, I am rather inclined to suppose him a
>       very respectable Man." -Jane Austen, The History of England